


We Made a Start

by Jairo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Separation, high school sweethearts, the other boys are pretty minor characters, things fall apart along the way as they're known to do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 07:10:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3165965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jairo/pseuds/Jairo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall and Zayn fall in love at 16 and a lot of people think they're too young to be this serious. When the two of them are forced to be apart, it turns out that maybe those people were right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Made a Start

Niall yawned. "I'm no Shakespeare expert - as you probably know - but I'm almost positive _this one_ is hands down the worst. What is even the point of this... this 'Merchant of Venice' crap?" He closed the book and eyed it with disdain.

Zayn glanced up from his almost-done History essay on Hitler and Mussolini, smiling at the grumpy furrowing of Niall's eyebrows. Homework tended to have that effect on the youngest Horan son.

"The point is..." Zayn started. He stopped typing on the Mac placed on his lap and turned to Niall who was sitting next to him on the bed. "The point is for you to pass the class so that you can keep your grades up, so that you get recruited by the best colleges and get given a really great soccer scholarship. So that you play for your country one day and the best leagues in Europe. So that you can afford to have me as your kept man and take me on vacations all around the world."

" _That_ ," he finished, "is obviously the point of The Merchant of Venice."

Niall laughed, loud and raucous, which had been Zayn's objective in the first place. Niall said, "What makes you think I want you as my kept man? How are you so sure I'll still want you years from now? Cocky." His eyebrow was raised and maybe those words would've stung just a bit, if it weren't for the way Niall's face was currently up close to Zayn's, amazing blue eyes drinking him in almost like Niall didn't even want to blink and miss anything.

Truth be told though, Zayn wanted to kick himself a little - even when he was just kidding around, sometimes he revealed too much when it came to how he felt about Niall. Not that he necessarily wanted to ride off into the sunset. But he liked him a lot more than most people knew. They were only 16 years old, dating for 5 months. And Niall was super laidback. Zayn still worried about scaring him off by being too intense about things.

So Zayn just grinned back at his boyfriend and gently re-settled his back on the pillow behind him. He started typing again and after another sigh, Niall picked up his book. A moment later there was a soft knock on the door after which it opened immediately.

Maura Horan observed the scene in front of her and found two boys looking across at her innocently, Mac and book open. She gave them a knowing look and said, "Door open, please. Shouldn't have to remind you every time. Are you boys hungry? Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks, Mrs Horan."

"We're fine, Mom. And the only reason the door is closed is so we can study in peace. Please close it? We're not 12."

She shook her head. "Door open. I'll ask Greg to turn the TV down if it's bothering you."

"I told you. She doesn't like me," Zayn said when she was out of earshot.

Niall said what he always said. "She does, Zayn. She likes you a lot."

Zayn shrugged. "It's okay." And he meant it, mostly. He pressed save on his essay and closed the machine. He wriggled down until he was lying flat on the bed, stretching his cramped back.

Niall took this opportunity to finally abandon his book. He slid down too and wrapped his arms around Zayn's torso. "You wanna go to Dinah's party on Friday?" He picked up his remote control and turned the TV on, flipping through a couple of stations until he came across an episode of The Big Bang Theory.

"Maybe. I'll see..." Zayn said. Dinah was really nice but Zayn wasn't a big fan of her football player boyfriend and his friends. Or rather they weren't overtly fond of Zayn, the quiet artsy kid; although they were never outwardly rude or anything. Just.

But Zayn would probably go if Niall wanted to.

Niall edged closer and tugged on a longish strand of Zayn's hair. "Or we could just go out for burgers and a movie? I'm cool with whatever. As long as my boyfriend is there."

That brought a slow happy smile to Zayn's face that he couldn't have stopped even if he tried. He gave Niall a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Yeah. That's pretty much how I feel about it, too. We'll see what we feel like doing on the day."

\---

The rest of the week dragged by as school days are known to do. And then finally, salvation. Friday. Niall met Zayn by his locker that morning like he usually did but that day there was a noticeable lack of bounce in Niall's step as he approached. He looked tired.

"Hey, you. What's up?" Zayn said meaningfully when Niall reached him. What Zayn really wanted to ask was whether he was alright, but he was well aware that implying someone looked tired wasn't exactly the greatest morning greeting in the world.

"Nothing. Didn't get much sleep. Crap, do I look as shit as I feel.."Niall rubbed his eyes.

"No, you look fine. Just a little tired. Why couldn't you sleep?"

"Just - stuff," was all Niall said after a pause, which was not like him. He was more forthcoming as a general rule, often offering details and anecdotes that nobody particularly asked for. It was part of his charm.

Zayn wasn't one to push things so he finished stuffing a few more books into his bag and then wrapped an arm around Niall's shoulder as they started walking through the throngs of students. "So... you thought about what you feel like doing tonight?" He asked.

"Um. Would it be okay if we took a raincheck? I'm not really in the mood to go out or anything," Niall said. "Tomorrow maybe?"

Zayn blinked. And then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. It's cool."

\---

"He wants to break up with me," Zayn hissed to Louis in the middle of Science class after stewing in silence for 20 minutes.

" _What_?" Louis Tomlinson hissed back. "Niall said he wants to break up?"

"No, not in so many words. But he was being kind of weird today. And he said he didn't get much sleep. That's probably because he was trying to figure out how to break things off and he feels bad for me and he doesn't know how to do it and he's probably wondering if I'm going to make a big scene and oh my God, he wants to break up with me."

Mr Lopez shot a warning glare in their direction and Zayn was forced to shut up for the rest of the class.

Louis did pass him a scribbled note, though:

**Z you're insane.**

As soon as the bell rang and everyone around them shot up out their desks, Louis exclaimed, "The guy was tired and a little weird as you say. And the conclusion you reach is that he wants to dump you? This may come as a surprise to you but the world doesn't revolve around your pretty little self, friend."

"What? I never said it did!"

Louis slung his bag over his shoulder, laughing. "Don't sound so offended. I'm just saying people are allowed to have off days without it necessarily being about you. You know Niall better than I do but I do know he gets this big stupid grin on his face whenever he looks at you and he tells anyone who will listen you're his boyfriend."

Zayn almost smiled but then caught himself as he remembered Niall's expression that morning. Maybe Louis had a point, but then again, maybe not. Everybody who'd spent more than 10 minutes in the hallways of a high school knew how quickly things could go from 'I like him so much!!' to 'don't you dare mention his name in my presence again.'

Zayn didn't really see Niall for the rest of the day. During the past few months they'd had lunch together a lot, their two groups of friends mingling when they felt like it, but that afternoon Niall sat away from them all with one of his oldest friends Harry. Zayn didn't know Harry all that well. But Niall was always saying Harry was the one person who knew every single thing about him. Zayn was a little jealous of Harry for that. Just a little.

"I am so getting dumped later," Zayn mumbled, just quiet enough that nobody at the table heard him above their own conversations.

After school, when Zayn was at home, he sent his boyfriend a text, despite the fact that he could have gone over to see him in person. Their houses were on the same street, had been for years actually but they'd only become friends in the past year or so. Zayn sent that text because while instinct told him that Niall needed some space, Zayn was still concerned about him and he genuinely didn't want Niall to be stressed or upset about anything, no matter what that thing was.

_I know there's something on your mind and even though I'm not sure what it is, I hope you know you can tell me anything. We were friends before anything right? Get some sleep ok_

In reply he got this: **Hey. Thanks Zayn. I'm okay**

He didn't know what to make of that. He stayed in that evening, declining his friends' offer to go hang out at Danny's house. He turned in for the night pretty early, like a sad little old man. He fell asleep and when he regained consciousness, he could sense that it was still nighttime so he couldn't have been asleep for all that long. And he soon realised that what had woken him up was the rapping of knuckles against his bedroom window.

Blearily Zayn walked over to the window and saw none other than Niall directly outside in boxers and a tshirt, his feet bare against the grass. Zayn opened the window and stared at him, his mind not fully caught up yet.

Niall smiled a little bleakly and said, "Hi. Can I sleep with you? - Oh God, that sounds - I just mean, uh, can I sleep in your bed with you tonight? Sleep, that's all." Niall's hair was sticking up in all directions. He looked like he'd just rolled out of his own bed. Zayn didn't know what the hell was going on. But he stepped back so that Niall could climb in through the window.

Once he was inside, on impulse Zayn engulfed him in a big silent hug, just because it felt like Niall needed it. He then took his hand and led him towards the bed. It was there that he was finally awake enough to find his voice. "You okay? You don't have to talk if you don't want to. I just need to know you're okay."

They were lying face to face in the dark and Zayn sensed Niall nodding. Then Niall said, "I am now. You want to hear about it or wait till morning?"

"I want to hear about it." Of course.

"It's my parents," Niall said in a strained voice. "They're fighting - well, they always fight a lot, that's nothing new. But it's getting really bad lately. This week has been hell and last night was the worst, I don't even - Anyway, it's getting out of hand. They yell all night long and I can't sleep for shit. I didn't want to burden you with any of this -"

"Niall... That's not even possible. You'd never burden me." Zayn squeezed his hand.

"Yeah, well. I didn't want to dump all this heavy stuff on you. That's why I didn't say anything. But I kept thinking about your text all night..."

When Niall didn't say anything further, Zayn prodded gently, "And?"

"And I realised that I like you a lot. Well, I already knew that. But I realised it's more than I - Um. If you were going through anything, I would want to know. So. I hope it's okay that I'm here."

Zayn whispered, "It's okay. You're okay. I'm really sorry about your parents. But I'm glad you came here."

"Thanks... Let's sleep."

"Let's. We should probably turn the lights on and write our wills first."

Niall laughed softly. "What? Why? You're fucking weird sometimes, man."

"Because." Zayn laughed too. "Like I said I'm so happy you're here. But if my parents find us like this in the morning, we're both dead."

"Oh, right. Haha. I'll be gone before they wake up."

They fell asleep. For two boys who had only been dating for 5 months and who had done nothing in bed up to that point except for handjobs, it was fitting that their first night in the same bed was as innocent as anything. Just two boys asleep side by side.

\---

Things were different between them after that but it was a good type of different. Things no longer felt as casual as before and around school, people started to forget that there'd ever been a time when the two of them weren't dating. Zayn never missed any of Niall's soccer matches, watching the action intently and cheering every time Niall's boot even touched the ball. And late in the afternoons if you wanted to find Niall, you'd know to check in the art wing where he'd often be keeping Zayn company and annoying Louis.

They spent most nights at Zayn's, either sleeping or watching movies on the laptop under the covers until the early morning. They thought they were so slick keeping that from their parents. Until the one day when they were doing homework on the Malik's dining room table and Trisha walked in from work remarking, "Hello, Niall. Are you staying for dinner, hun? No? Well, maybe when you come back tonight you'll stay long enough to have breakfast with us."

Niall turned bright scarlet and Zayn choked a little on the fruit juice travelling down his throat.

Trisha shook her head and said, setting her handbag down, "Teenagers always think they're five steps ahead of everyone else. It's almost cute. It's okay, boys. From what Yaser and I have seen there's no hanky panky going on, so we have no problem with Niall spending the night. We could do without the sneaking around, though."

 _Hanky panky_. Zayn groaned and prayed for the earth to swallow him whole.

Niall stayed away for a night or two, probably a little embarrassed. But the next time he came to sleep over, he did stay long enough to eat breakfast.

The school year eventually drew to a close and both boys looked forward to a long summer of friends and each other. Zayn went away to an art camp over in the next State for the first two weeks of the summer, a program he'd worked really hard to get into. He spent those two weeks taking General Arts and Creative Writing classes. Once in a while he wondered what kind of fun he was missing back home but mostly he was in his element. He wanted to study visual art and design in college one day and every extra class he took now would go a long ways in helping him get there.

Two weeks flew by and before he knew it, it was time to head back home. The first person he wanted to see as soon as he arrived was Niall of course. Zayn drove back home with his Dad and as they pulled into the street of the Malik home, Zayn saw that Niall was waiting for him outside, braces twinkling in the sunlight as he strode towards the car. Niall's skin had turned golden brown in that short time, broken up by splotches of red on his cheeks and arms that Zayn found very endearing. Zayn clung to him for a good minute, so so happy to see him. Niall held him pretty tight right back though.

"You look different," Niall said as they sat on the porch steps outside Zayn's house a few minutes later. "Like, more... _worldly_. Is that the right word? More excited. I dunno. It's cool how much you love art."

Zayn nodded and said, "It was so much fun. Missed you, though."

Niall only said, "Mmm.."

A moment later he said, "Didn't hear from you much. Must've really been fun.." He took off his snapback and scratched the top of his head.

Zayn briefly thought back to the past two weeks and tried to remember how many times he'd spoken to Niall. Twice? Maybe. He hadn't even realised.

Seeing the crest-fallen look on Zayn's face, Niall quickly shook his head and said with a smile, "No, no. It's okay. It's fine, I swear. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I get how you can get so caught up in something. Happens to me with soccer all the time. I get it. I'm just glad you didn't forget all about me." Niall kissed him and it tasted like Niall himself, sunny and good and real.

Zayn remembered something and pulled an item out of his pocket. "I made you something. There was this, like, arts and crafts table there in the mornings for some of the younger kids. Um. It's a bracelet. See, the beads... spell out our names." Zayn had picked beads in a cornflower blue shade because they reminded him of Niall's eyes and the colour of their school's soccer team's shirt.

"Babe. You made this? I love it!" Niall put it around his wrist immediately, smiling at it. "So happy you're back. This summer is gonna be amazing."

Turns out he was right. That summer turned out to be the best one of Zayn's life. It was the summer he let go once and for all, and fell deep and hard in love with a boy whose laugh warmed him even more than the bright rays of the July sun. It was the summer he gave his body for the first time during a night that was awkward, terrifying and perfect all at once; simply because neither of them really knew what they were doing. Learning and getting better at sex over the weeks that followed was a lot of fun.

They stayed up late with their friends on most nights, woke up late, got to know each other's families even better. Zayn was still convinced that Maura didn't like him but Niall explained that it was more that she worried that they two boys were too serious, too young. Zayn couldn't understand why them being serious about each other was a bad thing.

Their group of friends spent a week at Harry's uncle's beach house in July. And in August, Niall helped coach a soccer team of 5 year olds at the YMCA. Louis had a fling with the 22 year old swimming instructor there.

It was an idyllic summer in many ways, as perfect as anything Zayn could've dreamed up in his head. But as with all good things, summer had to end.

\---

It started with Niall crawling into Zayn's bed one night in early September. This was nothing out of the ordinary but that night Zayn sensed that something was off. Niall was shaking a little and upon further concerned inspection, Zayn saw it was because he was crying. Zayn immediately pulled him close and tried to soothe him, "Niall. What's wrong? Parents get really bad today?"

Niall buried his head within the crook of Zayn's neck. "I don't want to leave." His voice cracked and he started crying again.

"Leave? What do you mean?"

Niall drew back and turned over to lie on his back. "My parents are getting divorced, Zayn. They told us today."

"Fuck. I'm so sorry." Zayn stroked his streaky cheek and then leaned over to kiss it. But then he remembered something which turned his stomach to lead. "You said you don't want to leave. What did you mean?"

Niall was silent for a moment. "My Dad is gonna stay here. But my mom - my mom wants to move to fucking Florida. She wants me to go with her and my Dad isn't going to fight her for custody as long as I spend Christmas and all the important holidays with him."

Zayn's heart was racing as he tried to process all this. Florida. They lived in Washington State. Florida. "You can't move to Florida," he said numbly. "You can't leave."

"I don't want to. I don't have a choice."

Florida. As he repeated the word over and over in his head, he started crying too and Niall was holding him and rubbing his back. Zayn wasn't sure who was meant to be comforting who. All he knew was that he couldn't let Niall leave. "Tell them you want to stay with your Dad."

Niall sighed. "It's not that simple. And - I do want to live with my Mom. I just want that to be here."

"It won't be here. That's the whole point!" Zayn said in frustration. "She's gonna take you to fucking Florida."

"Don't you think I know that? I don't want to leave my team and my friends. But I really really don't want to leave you."

"So don't."

"Zayn."

A few minutes of silence later, Zayn mumbled, "You're moving."

Niall squeezed him tighter and sniffled. No answer was needed. That morning Zayn woke up with a headache that didn't really go away for weeks. He also woke up in a dark sulk - Niall was leaving him and as far as Zayn could see, he didn't have to. He could choose to live with his Dad. That morning, Zayn did something he'd never done before; he left Niall sleeping alone in his bed and rode his bike to the park a few blocks away.

Once there he took his sketchpad out of his backpack and drew for hours, Drake's latest album pounding into his eardrums. Each stroke of pencil against paper calmed him down and helped distract him from the fact that he was about to lose the most important person in his life. At noon he finally responded to Niall's texts.

_Sorry for bailing. I'm at the park but I'm heading home now. Where are you?_

**At home**

Zayn cycled straight to his boyfriend's house, the bike ride a lot more relaxed compared to the ride to the park that morning. Greg let him into the house and told him that Niall was upstairs in his room. Zayn found him lounging on his bed, shirtless and in a pair of shorts, watching TV.

"Hey..." Niall said tentatively when Zayn walked in.

Zayn didn't say anything, choosing to rather climb on top of him and kiss him, slow and deep. Niall immediately reciprocated the gesture, his arms closing tight around Zayn's back. Hands quickly began to roam all over thighs and butts so Zayn broke away panting and glanced at the closed door in worry.

"They're out," Niall explained, turning Zayn's chin back towards him with his hand. "Meeting with their lawyers. Kiss me."

Zayn didn't need any further convincing. As he briefly sat up to tear his shirt off, his boyfriend whispered, "Thought you were mad at me."

"I think I was," Zayn admitted. He bent down and kissed Niall's lips once, twice. "But. If you really are leaving, I don't want to waste any time being upset. I just wanna be with you."

Niall nodded. His hands moved down his back to cup Zayn's butt and as he squeezed he groaned. "Why are you so hot?" He squeezed again, biting his lip.

"I know, right." Zayn said with a laugh because he knew how much it made Niall roll his eyes whenever Zayn pretended to be vain. Niall gave his butt a cheeky pinch and helped him pull his sweats down.

"I'm so hard," Zayn said closing his eyes as he covered Niall again.

"Ditto over here," Niall answered. "What do you wanna do?"

Zayn thought about it for a moment, slowly rutting against Niall's naked crotch. "Um. Hands?" He kissed his boyfriend again, moving off him and back onto the bed so that they faced each other. This - their hands on each other, blue eyes locked onto hazel ones - was always perfect but today there was an added urgency to their movements.

When Zayn came, biting down into Niall's neck, he murmured something he hadn't meant to. "I love you." Zayn had never said those words before and maybe at this point he didn't really even need to say it out loud - it seemed pretty obvious to him. But there it was.

Niall came right then, his hands digging hard into Zayn's hips. "I - God. I love you, too. I do."

When they were curled up watching TV a little while later, Zayn blurted out, "Are -are we gonna break up?"

"I don't want to. Can't imagine you not being in my life."

\---

Niall and his mother were gone by the end of September. The idyllic summer was over.

\---

They talked on the phone every day and Skyped at least 4 times a week. They were so determined to prove all of their friends and family wrong. Everybody kept telling them that long distance relationships were pretty difficult at the best of times, but damn near impossible and pointless for a couple of 16 year olds.

Niall was settling in really well at his new school, already excelling on the soccer team and making a bunch of new friends. Zayn knew that if the roles were reversed, if he were the one who had to move to a new school in his junior year, he'd be screwed. Niall loved Tampa. It was weird hearing Niall go on and on about new people, new restaurants, new places. Zayn wasn't used to feeling like a guest visitor in Niall's world. It was all starting to become too much for Zayn. Trying to juggle school and family and Niall and his few remaining friendships that were quickly dwindling because he was neglecting everything and everyone; it was a lot.

In the months following Zayn's 17th birthday, Niall's calls slowly started becoming less and frequent until it got to the point where they barely talked more than once a week. Zayn's calls went unanswered and he hated that he'd become the kind of person who stalked Niall's facebook because that seemed to be the only way to keep up with what he was getting up to. He got to know the names and faces of a couple of cute boys in Tampa very well.

One day while staying late after school to work on an art project, Louis managed to get him to finally admit why he'd been so sullen and withdrawn lately. That day in particular he was in a terrible mood because he'd gotten a D on his English essay, he'd gotten into a fight with his father and he hadn't heard from Niall in 4 days. English used to be his best subject after Art and his Dad used to be his best friend, but lately Zayn couldn't even get those things right.

"Niall wants to break up with me," Zayn said to Louis. "I know I've said that in the past but it's true this time."

"What makes you say that?" Louis didn't look up at him, merely continued mixing paint. And Zayn was grateful for that because if his attention had been completely focused on him, Zayn would've felt a lot less inclined to open up.

"He doesn't call anymore. And when we do talk it's like we don't even know what to say to each other. He doesn't answer my texts. He says he loves me but he sure isn't acting like it." It was a relief to finally voice all his worries.

"Mmm. What if, he does care about you but... he also does want to break up?"

Zayn blinked. "What? You think he wants to break up with me? Aren't you supposed to say.. _No way, you guys are just going through a rough patch. He doesn't want to break up with you_... Um. Or something?"

"Z. Do you want me to say that or do you want me to tell you what I really think?" Louis stopped painting.

"Both? No - the truth, I want the truth," Zayn admitted.

"Okay. The truth is a guy who doesn't call or make any effort anymore is a guy who probably wants out. Or something is wrong. I think you should talk to him."

Except Zayn didn't talk to Niall rationally like he maybe should have. Instead he sent a snarky text later that night.

_\- You are being such an asshole. If you want to break up with me just say so_

The reply was almost immediate.

**\- Where the hell did that come from??**

_\- It came from you acting like talking to me and calling me is such a chore! Do you want to break up?_

The reply took longer this time.

 

**\- Yes. I do**

Zayn couldn't breathe. There it was. No going back now. While he tried his hardest to blink back tears, another text came in.

**\- I'm 16! I can't do this. You're not here and I miss you. This isn't a relationship anymore.**

_\- Were you ever going to tell me if I didn't ask you Niall??? Or were you just gonna keep ignoring me in hopes that I get the hint!_

Zayn's phone rang and he picked up reluctantly.

"Zayn. I'm sorry." Nialll sounded miserable. "I didn't want to hurt you and I don't want to lose you. I kept trying to figure out what to do. I still don't know. I just know two things. I love you and this isn't working."

"Did you meet someone else? Is that what this is? Who's that Liam Payne guy I always see in your pictures?"

"He's my friend. Are you accusing me of cheating on you?" Niall asked quietly.

"Why do you sound offended? You go to parties every weekend and you ignore the boyfriend you apparently don't want anymore," Zayn retorted.

"I'm not a cheater, Zayn. Since you obviously stalk my pictures online, you should know that I've never taken your bracelet off. Everybody here knows I have a boyfriend! They think I'm dumb for it! Everybody - my friends here, my mom, everybody! They say we're too young to be struggling like this. And they're right. I'm 16, you're 17 - we're supposed to be having fun, enjoying high school, not living on Skype!"

Zayn nodded slowly to himself. "Well, I don't want to stand in the way of your fun. I hope you have plenty of _fun_. Have a nice life, Niall."

"Zayn. Please. Wait. I don't want to lose you. Maybe - maybe we should just chill on things during the school year and then when I go to visit my Dad during the holidays we can be together again," Niall said tentatively.

Zayn laughed sourly. "I'm not gonna be your parttime boyfriend/holiday hookup/whatever... Are you actually being serious right now?!"

"I'm not looking for a hookup. I'm just trying to find a solution here. I don't want to lose you. I wish someone would tell me what to do because I sure as hell don't know."

Zayn was silent for a long moment. "There is no solution or - or compromise here. We're either together or we're not. And it's become pretty clear that we're not... I need to go. Homework. Don't worry, I won't be calling you anymore."

First love. First heartbreak. Zayn decided right then and there that night that if this was what this love business was about, he wanted to part in it anymore. He didn't talk to Niall again after that. Instead he threw himself into his Art again. That and his few close friends became his life for the next couple of years. Senior year, he dabbled in dating a bit. It felt good to have that kind of human contact again, someone to talk to and laugh with and have sex with. James was great but when it ended after a few months, Zayn was okay with that. He took another guy to Prom, Aidan and that was fun too. He started to feel like he would be perfectly fine with dating casually for the rest of his life and never letting things get too serious.

With time he stopped feeling so much acrid bitterness towards Niall. In hindsight he could see that they'd been too young and inexperienced to make that kind of long distance commitment. Yes, Zayn stopped being so bitter about it but the hurt and regret never really went away. Zayn got to know Niall's friend Harry pretty well during senior year and Harry would tell him that Niall asked about him sometimes. Zayn wasn't sure if that upset or pleased him.

Niall came home for Christmas, summers. And Zayn avoided him like the plague every time. It annoyed him to no end seeing Niall walking around town, all carefree and full of life. What really annoyed him was the fact that the bastard just kept getting more and more attractive. They couldn't avoid bumping into each other now and again but they never really spoke.

The first time they did speak was years later, over Christmas break during Zayn's second year in college. It was a couple of days after the New Year and Zayn was all partied out by this point. Louis and Harry had gone to some party of high school friend but Zayn stayed in and went to sleep early. He was awoken in the wee hours of the morning by a banging on his window. There was only ever one person in this whole world who would knock on his window in the middle of the night, but Zayn still thought to himself: _surely not. Surely he wouldn't dare._

But when Zayn went to get up and open the window, he saw it was him. Niall.

"What are you doing here?"

Niall swayed where he stood and it quickly became apparent that he was blitzed drunk. He was fully dressed in a coat and beanie and he had some kind of paint across his face. Zayn figured he must be coming from a party. Niall stuck out his botton lip in a pout. "Zaynie. Can I come in and - and sleep? Please?"

"What? Go home, Niall. I haven't talked to you in years." Zayn considered the possibility that this was all some weird dream.

"Freezing m-my ass out here. Please. Zaynie," Niall slurred. "Hate that we never talk anymore. I miss you. Zayn."

Zayn shook his head like he wanted to clear it. "Keep your voice down. Who dropped you off without making sure you were safe inside your house?" Zayn was going to skin them alive. Didn't they know how dangerous that was in winter?

"Ya gonna let me in or not? I'm gonna die out here and all because you won't let me in. You're - you're soooo fucking intimidating now and every time I see you and try to talk to you, you run away. Awaaay. Zayn..." Niall swayed some more. "If you don't lemme in, 'm just gonna lay down here. And go to sleep."

Right on the snow. Great. Zayn really didn't need to have a death on his hands.

But he still wasn't going to let Niall into his room. He groaned and said, "Stay where you are. Seriously, don't move. I'm coming out and I'm walking you home." He put on a pair of boots and his coat and stomped his way outside. It was 3 fucking o'clock in the morning and he was not in the mood.

He found Niall leaning against his window, eyes half shut. "Zayn," Niall said happily when he spotted him.

"Yeah. Who were you expecting? Santa?" Zayn put his arm around Niall's waist and began the process of leading him to his own house. He tried not to notice how close Niall was and how he still smelled the same.

"Just wanna sleep with you.. Party pooper," Niall said good-naturedly.

"You're so drunk..."

"Apparently it's - the only way I can get you to talk to me."

Zayn didn't know what to say to that. The two of them arrived at Niall's a short while later. Zayn still remembered where the spare key for the Horan's house was kept so he retrieved it behind the rose bush. He opened the door and led Niall upstairs. Niall fell into bed; clothes and shoes and all.

Zayn merely shook his head and started to walk out.

"Zayn ..."

"What?"

But there was no answer. Niall was passed out.

Zayn didn't see him again during that break and pretty soon after that it was time to head back to college.

\----

Back at school, amid the onslaught of required reading and projects it was easy to forget about Niall's weird drunken antics. Sort of. It wasn't really possible to ever completely forget Niall. Zayn wondered whether it ever would be possible.

Around February, Niall started texting him. The first text was an apology for the drunken window-banging thing, but after that he'd talk about his classes or he'd tell Zayn some funny story about one of his frat brothers. Zayn, being a sucker, couldn't stop himself from replying sometimes, usually late at night in his dorm when he couldn't sleep. Harry (who'd given Niall Zayn's number in the first place) said that Niall was going to college about an hour away from Zayn. As far as Zayn was concerned, as long as it wasn't the same college and he didn't have to deal with Niall in person, then it didn't matter where Niall was going to college.

A few times Niall would text him inviting him to a party at his frat house. Zayn didn't think it would be a good idea. The casual dating scene was working just fine for him and the way he had been with Niall in high school was anything but casual, right from the start.

Even though Zayn didn't go out of his way to see Niall, he should have reckoned that their paths would cross eventually somewhere within that one hour distance.

The first time was right on campus, on a random Friday in April. Zayn was walking past the business school library, head down and lost in his own world that mostly involved stressing about an upcoming French exam, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and couldn't stop the word that whizzed out of his mouth, "Shit."

Niall laughed. "Hello is the customary greeting." He was with another person, an attractive tall guy with brown hair. Zayn swore he knew him from somewhere.

"So... What are you doing in these parts?" Zayn asked Niall after an awkward pause.

"Visiting Liam." Niall gestured towards the guy who lifted his hand in greeting. "He goes here."

Zayn nodded and said, "Oh. Cool." He looked down at his shoes for a moment. He remembered where he knew Liam from - Niall's Facebook photos just before they broke up. "Well. I'm late meeting someone so I should probably get going."

Niall looked a little disappointed. "Sure. Yeah. Nice seeing you, Zayn."

"Yeah, you too."

Niall sent him a text a few hours after that.

**\- That was weird right? It wasn't just me? Anyway it really was great to see you. weirdness aside. You look good**

By the time Zayn replied, he was stewing in memories and hurt feelings he thought he'd long gotten over. His reply wasn't his finest moment.

_\- It's nice of you to come and visit your boyfriend at his campus. Great to see you don't find distance such a struggle anymore_

The reply came 20 seconds later.

**\- Not my boyfriend!! He's my best friend. You're still mad at me about everything. Do you wanna talk?**

Zayn wanted to hit his head against the nearest street pole as he carried on walking. He figured it was best not to reply; he'd made enough of a fool of himself for one day. Niall was wrong anyway. Zayn hadn't been mad when he saw Niall and thought he was visiting his boyfriend. Rather, he'd been jealous as fuck because he'd wondered why he hadn't been enough for Niall to make that same effort. He knew he wasn't being entirely rational - a relationship at 16 and one at 19 were two completely different things. He found it hard to be rational about anything where Niall was concerned.

The next time Zayn saw him, he managed not to curse and stutter. It was at a pre-Spring Break party. On Niall's turf this time. Zayn's fuck buddy of the month, Raj, actually dragged him there to the frat party and the whole way over there, Zayn had told himself that there was no way it would turn out to be Niall's fraternity, out of all the fucking fraternities on that campus. No such luck. Niall was nice enough when he spotted Zayn and Raj in the kitchen. He walked up to them and hugged Zayn for maybe a little longer than necessary. It was the first time they'd hugged in years and the feeling of Niall's body pressed against his made Zayn's mouth go a little dry. Zayn turned to Raj and promptly made out with him like he had a point to prove. By the time he came up for air, Niall was gone.

And for whatever reason, Zayn couldn't quite relax until he found him again. Zayn lost track of Raj somewhere near the strip poker table but figured the guy would be just fine on his own. So Zayn looked for Niall. And found him in the backyard, having just won a complicated game of beer pong.

"Zayn! Zayn. C'mere!" Niall bellowed, face ruddy red and utterly endearing.

"I won," Niall said proudly.

"Yep. I can see that." Zayn said with a laugh. He gulped down the last of his beer.

Niall wriggled his eyebrows. "Wanted to impress you. Did it work?"

Zayn stopped and asked with his head tilted to the side, " Why did you want to impress me?"

"Actually, I wanted to seduce you with my beer inhaling capabilities."

"Okay," Zayn snorted. "I'm being serious. All the texting and flirting and - and that _smiling_ you keep on doing. Why? What are you doing?"

Niall asked a question of his own. "Who's that guy whose tongue you were sucking? Your boyfriend?" He had a little frown on his face, all mirth suddenly gone.

"No," Zayn said simply. He was too tired for this shit.

"Okay," Niall said just as simply. Without warning he grabbed Zayn's wrist and gently pulled him in. "Christ. You've always been a looker. Right from the start." Niall laughed softly. "But now... You're not even just good looking anymore. You're - you're absolutely ridiculous. I've seen at least 3 people checking you out in the past five minutes and it's driving me insane."

An extreme exaggeration, Zayn was very sure. Without even meaning to, he mumbled, "They're probably looking at you..." It was just that, it was impossible not to watch Niall when you were in the same room as him. Everything about him was magnetic and he drew you in without even trying. Even when he was being an utterly annoying drunk little shit, he was still so attractive, in every way possible. So kissable even when that mouth was saying the dumbest things.

"Shit," Zayn said suddenly. He laughed nervously. "I think me being here is a bad idea. Should probably go mingle with people I wasn't fucking in high school."

But Niall his hand tighter. "No. Stay. Please?"

"I should find Raj..." Even while he said that, Zayn didn't make any movements to get away. Stupid, stupid.

"No. You should stay with Niall. Niall is - very drunk and he misses you a lot and. And he just wants you to stay."

"Niall is very drunk so he probably doesn't even know what he's saying right now," Zayn said.

Niall shook his head. "He knows what he's saying. And he - I shoulda said it a long time ago. But you make me so - _so_ nervous. Um."

"You've known me almost your whole life. What is there to be nervous about?"

"Plenty." Niall licked his lips. "Stay?"

Zayn didn't say anything but there was already a sinking feeling in his stomach that told him what a sucker he was. Niall kept looking like he was expecting Zayn to bail. But he didn't. In fact, he dragged Niall upstairs after watching him fight to keep his eyes open at around 2am. Niall's frat brother had to show Zayn which room it was because Niall was being less than helpful, wanting to stay downstairs at the party.

Zayn tucked him in and tried to convince him to sleep. It was like dealing with a 5 year old.

"You want me to sleep so you can go downstairs. And get with that... Raj guy..." Niall said, with so much confidence that he was right.

"I haven't even seen him in like 2 hours. Pretty sure he's ditched me," Zayn laughed.

"Stay 'n keep me company."

So Zayn stayed. Realising that he was pretty tired too, he catiously lay down on the other side of the bed, on top of the blanket Niall was under. And no, there was no hanky panky, as Trish Malik would put it. They just slept, Niall curled up against him as close as he would get. It was the nicest sleep Zayn had had in a long time. When he woke up briefly in the middle of the night, he was under the blanket and he had no idea how that had happened. Plus he was lying on Niall's chest and Niall's hands were slack against his back. He went back to sleep. In the morning he woke up to find that they were spooning and Zayn's ass was in Niall's crotch which was a very good position to feel how hard Niall's dick currently was. Zayn pushed into it a little before he could stop himself, moaning. Even when he did have the sense to stop, Niall's hand found his hip and continued the motions. So he was apparently awake. Niall pressed tiny little kisses to the back of Zayn's neck, sweet earnest ones that left Zayn's skin tingling. It became a lot less sweet when Niall started nipping, biting and sucking; leaving Zayn's heart racing and his common sense quickly abandoning him.

Zayn looked over at Niall's roommate who was luckily snoring. Zayn sat up anyway. "Uh. I should figure out how I'm gonna get back to my dorm..."

"Hmm? I can take you. Just give me like half an hour for my head to stop spinning," Niall croaked. His scratchy morning voice was the hottest thing Zayn had heard in years. Fuck. Zayn was so fucked.

Zayn sighed and settled back onto the bed. Niall moved close to him and said almost in wonder, "You stayed..."

They were still like that for a few more minutes until Niall suddenly cleared his throat and said, "Can I just say something? I don't even know if - if this is the right time. But at least we're both sober, I guess... I want to make sure there's no misunderstandings about what happened between us… back then. I hate how everything ended. You know I loved you, right?"

When Zayn didn't say anything, Niall said, "When I think about high school, you're the first thing that comes to mind. Like, you defined high school for me."

Zayn wasn't sure he was in the appropriate frame of mind to deal with this right now. "Niall..."

Niall quickly carried on like he just had to get it all out. "I didn't break up with you because I didn't care about you. I didn't know how to be your boyfriend so many miles away. I wanted someone who was right there, someone I could go and see right then if I needed a hug or some company. Please don't take this the wrong way but I don't think I was wrong for wanting to break up... What was wrong was that I did it in such a shitty way by avoiding you. Maybe if I hadn't done that, things would've been different and we could've stayed in touch... and maybe you would be more willing now to try again with me... And the sad thing is, I broke up with you because I wanted someone who was close by but I ended up never finding anyone even slightly as good as you."

"Um." Zayn rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Yeah, it sucked. Because it was us. I thought we were different. So when you, like,... stopped calling and talking to me. It sucked. It really sucked."

"I was a coward. I was. I didn't want to tell you what was on my mind and hurt you. But I ended up doing that anyway. And - I guess another part of me wasn't willing to really cut things off and lose you in a permanent way." Niall closed his eyes for a moment. "Basically I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I was kinda just winging it the best I knew how at the time, which wasn't very good."

"I'm not mad at you." Zayn said honestly. He wasn't mad, just a little... smarter now. "I loved you too and that didn't end well. So I guess I've just become less… inclined to wanna go through that again. You were right - we were too young for all that. And in a way we still are. I'm not looking for anything heavy."

"Hmm. I don't thing anyone looks for anything heavy. It just kinda happens. Inevitable, you could say." Niall said, tapping him on his chest.

"I disagree. Everything is a choice."

"Maybe... You don't choose who you fall for but I guess you do choose what you do about it."

Basically. "Yeah."

Niall nodded once and didn't say anything further.

Later that morning he drove Zayn to his dorm in the next town. When Niall opened up his wallet to pay for breakfast at the McDonald's breakthrough, Zayn could swear he caught sight of a very familiar looking blue bracelet peeping out behind a few notes. Zayn immediately knew what it was and it made his heart jump and race back towards the ground. A short while later, Niall dropped Zayn off outside his dorm building. Just as Zayn moved to get out of the car, Niall held onto his arm to keep him still. He grinned, shrugged and then leaned in to kiss Zayn like it was something they did every day. Except normal every day kisses didn't spread a delicious warmth all throughout Zayn's body. Normal kisses didn't instinctively make Zayn lean in and normal kisses didn't cause a pool of painful want to start rippling in his belly. Niall had always been a good kisser but there was an added difference now to the way his lips moved - a confidence that showed just how much experience he'd gained over the years. Niall pulled back for a second and in a panic Zayn pulled away all together and jumped out of the car.

"Love you. Bye," Niall said through the open window like it was nothing, before driving off.

\---

Niall. Niall Horan. It was funny how that name still had the ability to fuck with Zayn's head. Why couldn't Zayn shake him? Did he want to shake him? He realized that he didn't. He wanted to kiss him and talk to him and see him. And just like that he thought _ok._

Seven minutes after Niall had driven off, Zayn reached for his phone as he sat at his dorm-room desk and he made a call.

"Hey?" Niall answered with a question in his voice.

"Hey. So. How far are you?" Zayn asked, eyes squeezed shut.

"From? Your dorm? Not far. Why?"

"Do you wanna come back and hang out?"

There was silence for a few moments after that and it kind of made Zayn freak out. But then Niall said in a rush, "Yeah - definitely. I mean, I do. Thought I must've heard you wrong for a sec."

Niall was pulling up in the parking lot 4 minutes later where Zayn was waiting for him. Niall got out of the car, beaming, face so so bright and gorgeous. "Nobody could ever call you predictable, Zayn."

Zayn shrugged. "I like to keep things interesting."

Zayn used his access card to swipe them into the building and they made their way to his room on the second floor.

"You've got a single! Lucky. I hate sharing," Niall said when they stepped inside the dorm room. The place wasn't looking it's best, bed unmade and clothes on the floor but Zayn knew that Niall wouldn't care about that type of thing. Zayn took him by the arm and led him to lie back on the bed.

"I was just gonna watch movies today... Is that cool?" Zayn asked, turning his head to look at Niall. He didn't know what this was or what they were doing right now. He just knew that being with Niall for one mere day had made him feel _better_ than he'd felt in ages, and he knew that he wanted Niall in his life again.

Niall nodded. He smiled and said, "If you're here and I'm here, we can sit and watch your wallpaper and I'll be happy."

"Okay Mr Cheesy... But c'mere first," Zayn said. He grabbed Niall around the waist and pulled him on top of him in one rough uncoordinated move. He wanted maybe a few more of those scorching kisses he'd sampled earlier. Niall happily obliged.

"I must say this is a lot more fun than watching wallpaper," Niall remarked breathlessly five minutes later.

"Shut up," Zayn said with a giggle.

"Okay," Niall laughed too. He leaned in again for a bit of more fun.

Hours later, as the sun set outside while they watched Deadpool in Zayn's tiny dorm, Zayn had the thought that everything was going to work out okay this time. Whatever that meant. They would do this again, smarter and older than before, and they would be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> xx


End file.
